Monday, August 07, 2006

On Naming Bagel Stores

Keep passing this bagel store in Teaneck, NJ called "Three Star Bagel." As a matter of fact, I think I've seen a couple of these stores around - could be a chain, or perhaps a few like-minded small business owners. Whatever.

Does the name "Three Star Bagel" strike anyone else as strange? I mean, this isn't Communist Russia; here, the government isn't the leading bagel store operator. Probably not even in the top 10. Apparently, then, the owner of the Teaneck eatery actually chose to call his place "Three Star Bagel." Was he unaware that, um, there were more freaking stars available at no cost? Why not "Five Star Bagel"? You'd even save some money on the sign, four letters in the word instead of five. What's this dude afraid of - is the Cedar Lane division of Zagat just itching to bust a bagel joint for false advertising? "Sorry, bro, the celery in the tuna is too soggy. Five stars my ass. Afraid we're gonna have to shut you down."

Alright, I know, five stars is too pretentious for a bagel store? I hear that. Then how about "Four Star Bagel"? Sends just the right message - Teaneck's classy, upscale bagel destination.

But no. This guy's not having any of it. He Wants to send a different message. "Hi. Welcome to Three Star Bagel! Come inside and enjoy our mediocre cuisine and subpar service."

5 Comments:

Blogger Danny the Manny said...

The Michelin Red Guide has historically had many more listings than its rivals, relying on an extensive system of symbols to describe each establishment in as little as two lines. Restaurants rated with a star also listed three specialities. The Red Guide uses anonymous inspections and does not charge for entries, unlike some restaurant and hotel guides which are in effect little more than advertising. Michelin claims to re-visit establishments on average once every eighteen months in order to keep ratings up to date.They use a three-star system for recommending sights: three stars, "worth the trip"; two stars, "worth a detour"; one star, "interesting".

Ah, Wikipedia.

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is also three star photo who do weddings.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Danny the Manny said...

Lest we forget Three Star End of Shabbos, the loophole upon loopholes to rid yourself of having to attend evening services at the Sabbath's conclusion. Three Star End of Shabbos gets a big high-Five Star from me because it earns me those precious 20 minutes at the Sabbath's conclusion that would be lost otherwise on the walk home from synagogue. Homer Simpson (and Stuart Gasner) gives it a big High-Four Star, while Ugueth Urbina takes it to a new level: the High-Six Star.

I just don't know anymore. Probably lost it along the road of life. One of the listim from tefillat haderech fame stole my mind. I'm runnin' on empty here.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Kraut said...

nice, michelin uses three stars. about what you'd expect from a tire retailer's restaurant ratings. mmmm, rubbery.

michelin website doesn't seem to rate any eateries on this continent, but "Three Star Bagel" does seem rather exotic. Probably it's a European bagel chain.

4:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

8:17 PM  

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