Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Islamist Tactics

Was cleaning out my email account, came across this news piece about a new strategy for naming successors in Islamist organizations. It is fortunate that the strategy has yet to be implemented.

With Rantisi dead, Hamas is holding their cards close to the proverbial (suicide) vest. Speculation is that the organization has already named a new leader but is trying to keep it quiet lest he, too, be immediately targeted by Israel.

I have it on good sources that the truth is a bit more complicated. Hamas is indeed weighing its options concerning the appointment of a new leader. However, the real debate amongst Hamas bigwigs is whom to appoint as their supreme leader; at present, the two contenders are Ariel Sharon and George W. Bush. According to one Hamas official, who spoke on condition that he be identified as someone else, "We have concluded that Israel intends to eliminate anyone whom we name as our leader. Therefore, we have devised the ingenious strategy of naming the criminal Sharon or the evil Bush as our leader, which will, of course, force Israel to kill the person we select."

The official further noted that if the strategy proved successful, it would be adopted on a permanent basis. "If need be," he said, "We will employ this tactic indefinitely. We will certainly kill Sharon and Bush in this fashion, but we will likely extend its use to rid ourselves of Olmert, Netanyahu, Cheney, Rice, and the Jew Wolfowitz. In fact, if my wife does not silence herself about the leak in the guest tent, she may find herself the head of Hamas as well, Allah willing."

No Palestinians were willing to comment on the new tactic on the record, but the thousands of demonstrators who took to the streets today in Gaza City may have been alluding to it as they chanted in unison: "Sharon and Bush, your day of reckoning will come, on the day of Allah, when the eagle and fat bird will die, possibly killed by the Israeli menace who are their own brethren, who have terrorized Palestinians for generations, and you are probably wondering who the new leaders of Hamas are, but we will not tell you this until we feel like it, but by then it will be too late for the Zionist devil, who are the sons of pigs and monkeys, reviled by Allah and the prophet Mohammed."


Blogger Danny the Manny said...

No, no, no. This is the oldest trick in the book. The book of magic tricks, that is. Like when you already know which card it is, and then you make those flowers of cards. And then, if the guy picks the card, you get rid of the others, and if he picks the others, you get rid of them too. You always get rid of the others! He just isn't paying close enough attention to notice!

Same thing would apply here. If Bush or Sharon was appointed to this position, then Israel will just decide, "Maybe we don't have to kill this guy after all." It would bite them in the (suicide) ass. They'd think they'd outsmarted Israel by coming up with a foolproof plan, but in the end wind up being the fools that get proofed. From there, Bush or Sharon would march to victory, bring them to their knees, oooon to victory.

Remember what we learned last summer: In the color war of life, teams that don't sport orange always win. Stupid orange team, Trix are for yids.

4:04 PM  

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